I've decided that a good way to make the most of our middle of the night feedings (and keep me awake so I don't spend the whole night on the couch-yeah he sleeps in the living room for now) is to have Asher's baby journal handy in case I think of something I want to write to him. I've written in it twice so far, and who knows how long it will continue, but for now I like the idea. So, this story is one I'd been wanting to share, and now that I wrote it for Asher in the middle of the night, I suppose it's ready.
It was a few days after you were born that I felt my heart really open up to love you fully and completely, with all that I have. I think that before then some subconscious part of me had been holding back, fearful that loving you wholeheartedly was being untrue to AB. But I distinctly remember the moment, either on first our second day home from the hospital.
I was laying with you on the couch in the basement and you were asleep. I just looked at you, and in the moment of a heartbeat, I felt my eyes tear up and my heart expand, something like the Grinch whose 'heart grew three sizes that day.' I'm not sure how many sizes my heart grew, but I know that I lay there that evening and wept as I allowed myself to experience this profound thing called love. The love a mother or father has for their child is not something that can be explained, only experienced. But when you do experience it, it is perhaps the most beautiful thing in the world. And I'm so, so thankful for those moments, in the first few days of your life, when my heart grew and I fell utterly and completely in love with you.
